your tragic disco.

new lj.

Tue, 07 Feb 2006 04:33:17 GMT

yeah, i'm back. & i'm sick of this journal.

Cosmetology

Mon, 26 Dec 2005 19:51:43 GMT

So being that in a few years I will be studying to be a cosmetoligst I've been trying new things all the time. I've been doing this for a couple of years, and I'm doing really good. I've also picked up cutting hair, and I'm pretty damn good at it. Since people ask me now to do their hair, I'm going to start charging so I can afford all the materials that I need such as professional hair scissors, the hair dye, the bleach, the hair restoring chemicals, and so much more. I've decided to charge $15 for dying $5 if there is more than one color. Now most places you have to pay about $50 or more, so this is a good price. Cuts, only $8. I'm going to spend most of my Christmas money on some of the stuff I need for this hair stuff. Oh, yes. & the hair treatment with dying is free, but without $5.

& if I ever dye your hair I will be needing to take pictures of it because I will be putting it on this website I'm making. Thanks.

christMESS!

Sun, 25 Dec 2005 22:16:00 GMT

My Christmas so far has been like no other-it sucks. This is supposed to be one of the best times of the year, but I can't help, but see it as the worst. Nothings going like anyone said it would. First I wake up, and I get useless things, my dog pees all over the floor in my grandparents laundry room. Then I go to church, and my grandparents are Presbyterian. It creeped me out so much so I just spent my whole time ignoring the preacher dude who looks like the freaking Pope without that funky hat. I enjoyed sending pointless tezts to Jo & looking at my feet while going cross-eyed. Then my sister gets here along with Jeff, Jenni's brand new Jeep is messed up because of the transmition. This sucks because they have to have it towed, which means we have to take them home. 5 people, 2 dogs, 1 car. Merry fucking Christmas. Not to mention the presents that we're bringing home, and our suit cases. I knew I wanted to stay home for Christmas, but as always no one ever listens to me. I don't even know what time I work tomorrow. Things are so screwed up & it's really stressing me out. I miss Josiah, & I really wanted to see him today, but things aren't looking that way being that we have to drop Jenni & Jeff off now & we don't even know what time we're leaving. I'm just wishing that we don't hit traffic, but with my luck we will. New Years is going to be good. I'll make it that way even if I spend that day all to myself. I was planning on having a party, but now that I think about it, it'll be just too much. I just want to go home so bad right now, I want to call Josiah, but he's with his family at the aquarium & that's family time.

What a mess.

This probably has to do with me being homesick. It doesn't take much. It's nice to see my family that I only see once or twice a year, but I grow sick of them easily. It's just too much. I didn't get much sleep last night either because there was a horrible storm that shook the whole house, and my mothers snores. I can't stand one more minute here, I want to be home.

All day I've been missing Molly & Jo. All I want to do is have my ordinary day spend the day with Jo kissing, hugging, cuddling, laughing, doing stupid stuff for intertainment, sitting in the car as my adrenalin goes crazy because of his driving, standing on my front porch pecrastinating leaving each others sides, and not being able to help when he smiles. Then later that night spending it with Molly staying up until countless hours talking about anything, and everything, watching strange movies my mum has rented, and doing the dumbest things in the world. I hate that I want to leave so bad, but I can't help that. I just wish there was something different we could have done this year. I wanted to spend Christmas in my new home.

I hate this. I hate seeming so negative. Maybe it's my attitude. Too bad, so sad.

[yes, this is posted on myspace.]

helpppppppp

Sat, 24 Dec 2005 17:48:50 GMT

so my 18th birthday is coming up.
i want to do something big, but different.
Help!

i'll lay awake for a while

Thu, 22 Dec 2005 19:56:45 GMT

yesturday was so fucked up you don't even know.
first i go to work, pretty much broke all the rules [rebel, rebel] & basically didn't give a shit.
I had this lady that i work with bugging with me to get on a register, but i told her "i will, in 5 minutes when i'm actually scheduled to work"
so i'm working, this guy starts showing me this blind fold for taste testing regular coke & zero, oh and he says "couPINS" hah!
so i'm working & i hear someone whisper really loud "STEPH!" i turn around & i see shawn.
it was so random.
so he bought eggs & they threw them at cars & shit.
they come back around 11 [when i got off] & we hung out talking about stuff outside.
then i buy crackers & cheese & pig out.
good stuff.
molly meets up with us, looks over & sees shawn & gave him the funniest expression ever.
so we all hang out for about 15 more minutes, and leave.
i come home, things are kind of off in the first place, i was angry for some reason and had no reason.
so i start acting obnoxious.
my cat gets a chip & i kept screaming "HOW'D HE GET THE CHIP?!?!" about a half a million times.
molly & i got outside & we hear these really weird sounds, go inside watch Bewitched not even half-way through the movie my basement door bangs & opens. the alarm starts going off so molly & i jump up, she's already got 911 ready to call, we start going up the stairs she stops to look at the door like a dumbass, and so i drag her up the stairs, then she stops to look out the window for a car, so again i have to drag her up the stairs, we get my sister up, drag her in my mums room, my mum calls 911, we're all shaking with terror, they ask all these weird questions, and then my dog starts barking and that's when we really think someones in our house, so we're all screaming to send someone over, then they say "oh, that's just the cops." so then they tell us to answer the door, and of course my mums like "that scares me, because what if there's someone in our house?" so she takes dakota, answers the door, in the end we find that the door doesn't close all the way, and my cat opened it. GREAT HOUSES McBRIDE & SON!
so that was fun.
Oh, and while the cops were "investigating" i was on the phone with Jo. hah!
& that was my fucked up day.
oh, and this all took place at 2am.

Sun, 18 Dec 2005 20:01:13 GMT

so i got my new computer.
it & i have a love/hate relationship.
it's brand new, works really fast, but my mum and grandfather have made it so that i'm limited to do stuff, which means that i can't download music, get on my programs that i actually live for, and the internets not even working.
it's so gay.
there's really no point to having access to a computer if i can't use it for what it's worth.

anyways, last night i hung out with Jo [suprised?], Jada, Caleb, ect. We went to Swayzes to their friends band play.
some of the music was actually pretty cool.
the whole thing was pretty cool except for moshing, and the little children who thought they were awesome. I saw so many mallcore kids it's not even cool.
t'was okay-fun besides that. i met Jo's best friend, he seems pretty cool.
after swayzes we went to Starbucks, and then i went home, freezed my ass off until molly got there, we left & went to Wendy's [molly's first time going through a drive-thru!!oh,snap!], then parked at my tennis courts, laughed at her parking skills, and then went to my house where i got bitched at and could have ripped my mothers hair out.
oh, well.

so today i get to see my sister[&Jeff].
I haven't seen her in half a year.
A bunch of promises broken that i will get to see her as much as possible, decete, and theft.
...but she is my sister & i do love her.
Nothing will change about that.

later Jo & i will be visiting Lydia & Ben.
Lydia will be leaving to go to England for the Christmas & such.
i'm so excited for her.
agh! i have to get her a gift still!
okay, so i have things to do & people to see[later].
sobye.

if hell does freeze over, what would it look like?

Sat, 17 Dec 2005 10:31:10 GMT

this is the 4th time that Jo & i have fallen asleep while on the phone.
& the 3rd time i've woken up from being stabbed with my phone.
Well, sort of.
I woke up on the couch hearing my little sister coughing, and noticed that she put a blanket on me.
That was totally unexpected.
She also got me a glass of powerade, and now i'm wide awake.

Today should be a good day.
Around 7 Jo & I will be at swayzes because his friends band is playing.
I'm not a big fan of Swayzes, but anything for him.

Tomorrow Jo & I will be going to see Lydia before she leaves for England for the holidays. We haven't really settled on anything to do yet, I have a feeling it'll be a spur of the moment type thing.

I got my paycheck & Schedule today.
Paycheck sucks like no other & my schedule.......[was a schedule here]

i have a strange feeling that my schedule is wrong.
hm. i guess i'll find that out in about 4 hours.

now is the time to freeze my ass off while poluting my lungs.
healthy?♥

new hampshire.

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 04:29:14 GMT

so Liz told me that i need to come visit her up in New Hampshire, i asked my mum already, and she told me that she didn't care. This will be so much fun if her mum actually says yes. i need to get out of georgia for a while and clear my head. all these people fucking around with my head and my feelings is not needed. for once i would really like someone to think twice about how i feel. [no this isn't about the nightschool thing nor molly]. it will be so great seeing Liz again. we've been friends since forever, and i hate that she moved. my mum and i are discussing this more in the morning. i might not even really contact anyone while i'm up there except for my family, and molly. i'm definately stoked, and i hope to god her mum says yes. there's no reason to really say no. her mum loves me.

tragic.

Thu, 15 Dec 2005 00:56:08 GMT

so basically i'm sick as a dog.

Jo came to visit me, so that was grand.

My mum has finally made an appointment for me with this head doctor. bad week to do so. buuuut i can't really complain now can i?

my best friend will be going to nightschool next semester. i don't know how to feel about it. i realize that she's doing it because it's best for her, but i can't help, but feel sorry for myself. i have an idea that i will probably never see her as much as i do now. yes, i have the weekends, but then again i'll have to work some weekends, so it's not like i can just spend the night at her house anymore on schoolnights and go to school the next morning. things will definately be different and i cannot stand change. keep in mind that i also have a boyfriend and i want to spend time with him also. i'm trying to convince, i'm just venting. & i'm not mad, just really bothered by the idea and upset. i really hope this turns out good for her.

"for you my love, i would kill him."

Tue, 13 Dec 2005 22:25:12 GMT

Finals this week, party party.

Besides that things are going decently well. Life couldn't possibly be any better. Josiah is absolutely amazing, and I don't think I could be happier with anyone else. I can't express enough how much he means to me.

So yeah, that's pretty much it. Oh, and those people who like to use me & shit, and don't listen to my side of the stories. Fuck you. Seriously. When are you ever going to grow up mister?

Thu, 08 Dec 2005 22:28:53 GMT

yeah, so my computer is still fucked up, so while my pop-pop is fixing it, i'll be on his computer. no aim for a while. sorry.

i broke up with joey for those who don't know and to get a few things straight, i didn't break up with him to go fuck someone else, i didn't do anything to him at all. he's just blaming all the shit on me to make me look like the bad guy. typical. he lied to me, he fucked everything up, and i even gave him chance after chance to fix it. i'm not sorry for my decision, i knew it was right. i did all i could, and he didn't want to stop luing or to fix some things to save the relationshop[ie:stop lying, and stop hiding things from me]. so if you don't believe me, whatever. i don't care. it's none of your business to begin with.

on a lighter note: i have a wonderful boyfriend now, and i couldn't be happier. when i'm around him, nothing could be better. there's never a dull moment, and i don't think there ever will be.

molly and i have been having some crazy fun lately, and we're going to have a blast this weekend. i love my best friend. she's amazing. i couldn't ask for anything better. i'm glad we can clear things up a bit easier now. communication is better, and we both know that things have gotten better for her and i as soon as joey and i ended. he was definately effecting our relationship. and that was my fault for being so blind. that will definately never happen again. it's happened before, and i just need to open my eyes and stop being so goddamn selfish.

okay, well that's a wrap.
tomorrow=chorus concert and it better be good.

after that i'm supposed to go to degrassi night with molly, and jo. i'm stoked. i haven't hung out with megan or katie and forever. i really need to restore our friendship also.

Tue, 15 Nov 2005 03:08:31 GMT

so this is what's been going on in my head lately.
most of you that really know me know that i'm very anal about lying.
& some of you have gotten to experience with that.
i've told everyone how it ruins everything, you lie to me once, i'll never believe a word that comes out of your mouth ever again.
so yeah.
that happened with me & joey.
he fucked up.
so i've been taking time off from him to see what it'll be like without him.
you can't believe how much words can hurt someone until you actually do so.
& actually for 2 days being without him, i've never been happier.
i really thought that you'd take me seriously, and now i think you do, but it's too late.
you've seen these scars from the past, you've been their when i was still healing, yet all you do is the same that the other people have done.
i'll never forget those memories, they were great.
& i'll never forget you.
sometimes you seemed like the best person ever, but i really think i was just telling myself that.
the beginning was the best, but now i think you've dug yourself way too deep to get yourself out.
i'm sorry that it has to be this way, but i really have to think of me.
i really hope you can find someone that you will treat right.
this was never bullshit, i can tell you that.
we had something that i've never had with anyone else, but you became too lazy and just expected me to run this relationship and to make everything okay.
don't worry, you'll find somebody.
i know it for a fact.

Fri, 28 Oct 2005 23:38:08 GMT

oh, how i love to hate you & your hypocritical little friends. grow up fuckaaaas.

Thu, 13 Oct 2005 03:44:31 GMT

i hated today.
absolutely the worst.

my mums taking me to AA meetings in a few weeks.

i fucking hate (Dee) my manager.
she's a fucking two-faced shit.
yeah.

i'm hoping for a better tomorrow.

i can't go to homecoming....i have to work.
i'm going to start putting in applications for a new and better job where my boss doesn't hate me or single me out.

some people i see always acting like children.

Tue, 11 Oct 2005 21:43:59 GMT

Dear Miss Julie,

So you really think you're retro being a bitch? Hm. To me, it looks more like you're trying to be a bitch, because that's aparently the way to make friends. SWEET! Just my advice, but it seems more like you're a 13 year old middle schooler stuck in somehow I have to be cool in this crowd, and look like an absolute badass. Sorry to break this to you, bitch, but you're more like a selfless ugly whore & wanna-be center of attention. Never did Molly have anything against you or do anything to you. So saying and i quote "boo frickin hoo". Aren't you the neatest person? I think I had said that in...hmm...that would be elementary. Yeah. OH! Then another one bonus to add in all this we walk past you in the mall (not trying to start any shit if i may add), and call molly a "stupid gothic bitch". That really tickles me right there, especially because NO ONE CAN BE GOTHIC! Congratulations for making yourself look like more of a fucking moron. Oh, and it makes you even more awesome that you can only say shit to molly when you're around your friends, just to impress. Such a waste of time, seriously. I think you should invest in some new hobby's. Actually, I feel to generous that I feel like giving you some free open advice. You should really invest in wearing some make-up. Freckles aren't really attractive that are the size of a dime, even though that might not help all the way, you might want to invest in a job to get some plastic surgery. Now I'm not the one to say "plastic is beautiful", but it would definately do you a lot of good. Also, practicing some dieting would totally be worth the while. Lardass's with no class, and no personality (or personal beauty) isn't pleasant.
Also, going around telling people that a certain someone is pregnant is very dick. Honestly, if I were that person I would have you shot. In no way is it any of your business to go around and tell absolutely everybody.
If you want to reply with some bitch comments, and go on about this, go on. I have so much more to say. So go ahead, open yourself up to it. If you decide to go around telling people that you're going to kick either of our asses, please do, not say. You're all talk, face it. Say anything you want about me. It's okay, because I have nothing to be ashamed of. K? Awesome. Try thinking before you speak next time, for your best interest.

♥

Oh, and Kate. Feel free to shut the fuck up.

you suck.

Thu, 06 Oct 2005 03:35:12 GMT

i ♥ it when people sing way too loud & mean to, and then the other members of the alto section are told that we shouldn't be so quiet, and she has a lovely loud voice and should let us do "our part".
what the hell?
seriously, just tell her to stop singing over everyone, cause she's being slefish and doesn't need to be the only on heard because this isn't all about her.
oh, and also she keeps singing the wrong notes and totally throws us off key with her.
fucking lame.
sometimes i really wish that i could be a bitch to people.
yeah.

today was workful.

i can't wait until friday night & saturday.

by the way: ~~get your gunns~~ i totally lied on accident.
what is really is, is: get yourr gunnns
would be the new s.n

"lesbians are so much better."

Tue, 04 Oct 2005 04:04:51 GMT

today sucked.
oh, well.

i came home & was so tired that i passed out while watching a movie, and didn't wake up until 10 something.
probably because i spent all night last night doing a project.
getting to sleep tonight will be the best.

oh, and i love when my boyfriend disappears.
really puts that extra spark in the relatonship.

don't disturb the beast. he's feeding on the roses.

Mon, 03 Oct 2005 03:33:43 GMT

"Now, but I can't
And I don't know
How we're just two men, as ~~God~~ had made us
Well I can't, well I can
Too much, too late, or just not enough of this
Pain in my heart for your dying wish
I kiss your lips again"

today has come out to be the worst.
i really want to see my wife, so i'm going to bother my mum until she tells me to get out of her fucking house.
^_^
it's a plan.
i need to see her.
it's absolutely manditory.

be who you are people.

Mon, 26 Sep 2005 04:00:16 GMT

new friends are silver, and old friends are gold.
buuuuuuut some just fade into other unknown colors that come off disgusting.

what happened to never changing?
all you're doing is fading into someone you're not.

Fri, 16 Sep 2005 12:56:49 GMT

i really love it when i'm balling over the phone and i hear video games being played in the background.
yeah. you care.

you make me wanna!!!!!!

Mon, 29 Aug 2005 02:56:59 GMT

today was awesome.
i love my friends.
they're awesome.
so i'm posting pictures from degrassi night ^_^ i love these to death. they're awesome. you know this is the hottest thing ever. megan never ceases to amaze me. don't mess with miss KT. she'll go kung-fu on you. she so won this. fill er up again. ♥chilling with cody. that fatty.♥ yeah, that's right bitches. & i'm moving this weekend! seriously, tell me if you want to help!!!!! 404.644.4640-my cell. orrrr just leave a comment &/or your number. i need to get a total head count of all that's helping so even if you have already told me you will i need you to tell me here & now! thanks loves. ♥always&forever, stephhhh.

Sat, 27 Aug 2005 22:44:23 GMT

so last night was fun, except for the fact that i had to see my dad before.

i'm starting not to care for a lot of things now.
i don't understand it, but at the same time i do.
joey didn't call me last night, and i couldn't get to sleep because i talk to him as i begin to actually get tired.
so i layed there for hours thinking about all these horrible things.
when i woke up he didn't even bother to call, i had to walk over to nick's because i didn't have the number.
so then he helped nick's family with some things & then came over to help.
i wasn't in the best mood since my mum and i have been fighting all day.
so i had to tell him that he couldn't help us clean & pack because she felt crowded.
so he helped me hose down my futon chair because it had coffee all over it.
we then got into a lovely arguement & then i just walked away.
about 10 minutes later my doorbell ringed, i answered it, i went outside and talked to him.
the talk turned into an argument, the agrument turned into a fight that then caused crying & then it ended in hugs and kisses.
now he's been gone for 6 hours.
no call, no sign.
i'm so angry, and i hate this.
today blows.

bitches & hoes.

Fri, 26 Aug 2005 22:42:13 GMT

so joey came home on the bus with me & now he's over at a friends house in my apartment complex.
so cute ^_^
haha!
going to katie's tonight, i can't wait.
i just wish i could spend the night.
damnnnn.

we sold the house today & my mums taking my sister and i out to bahama breeze tomorrow to celebrate.
woot!

now i have to go steal my fiance` back.
ta ta!

i don't understand, just some things never die. just know that i always try.

Thu, 25 Aug 2005 22:24:38 GMT

got in a fight with my father today, he's such a liar & a fucking dumbass.
sometimes i wish i could smack the shit out of him.
maybe molly's dream can come true & steven can beat the living hell out of him ^_^

so today i'm going to go to my dad's to get the rest of my shit, that shall be interesting.
i'm not in a good mood. mmm mmm. not one bit.

tomorrow i'm supposed to go to degrassi night to my palipoo's katie & megan.
woo woo!

i know a three day weekend is coming up, but i don't think that will be enough to settle this madness.
who knows, maybe i'm just being pessimistic.

i'm setting resolutions for myself when we move.
not a whole new me, sorry, but definately some changes.
i'm going to try not to be such an asshole to people all the time, and forgive the ones who hurt me [all except my dad].

i know a lot of people really don't like me right now, and for that i'm sorry.
i've had a lot going through my head lately.
things have changed so much through the year, and i'm changing & molding into many different things.
i'm just trying to find myself, and learn how to trust people.
so many things have affected me, especially the devorce, even though i have been in complete denial, i really have been fighting an internal battle.
if you can find it in your heart to forgive me, i would really appriciate it.
it is my fault, and no one elses.
just know that i am trying and never really meant to hurt anyone, i'm just trying to cope with my new life and new enviroment.
i wish you could understand.
i harldy do.

Fri, 19 Aug 2005 01:37:16 GMT

to sucked.
& i can't wait to see what tomorrow brings....heh.